Why Shouldn’t You Let Your Kids “Win” At Games?

“Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.”

— Maria Montessori

As a parent, it is our job to prepare our children for the real world. The world isn’t an easy place, and it’s better to equip kids with essential skills to thrive successfully. Playing games and sports as a family has profound bonding impacts and helps create a simulated environment for real-world situations. However, unless your child is a toddler, it is best suggested to not ‘let’ them win at games, and you’ll also agree when you are done reading this article.

The dynamics between a child and its parents are often lopsided against them, and there are few situations to make them feel equal. We, parents, are in charge of their scheduled day-to-day activities. They are reliant on us for making decisions and are answerable to us for their actions. With so much of their lives, management is in our hands. It could be liberating when certain situations put them on equal footing with us. Playing games is one of those balancing situations.

When we talk about not ‘letting’ your child win — we are talking about playing poorly or manipulating situations that allow the child to win. The child should win on their own, and you as a parent should provide a sense of competition and a level playing field. Here are more reasons why we believe you shouldn’t let your child win:

• Children learn from what you do and not what you say: It is a common tenet in parenting to be what you teach them to be. Kids learn a lot from observing the players in the game. The strategies and tactics you use to navigate yourself to winning the game act as a guide for the child. Since they are too young to understand the consequences of decisions and actions, learning your game plan to succeed is what they’ll try to replicate to win.
• When left to their own devices, children rise to the occasion and perform better than expected: In a game, they are left to choose their path through trial and error. They are more vigilant to their past mistakes and try to learn from them to avoid pitfalls. The desire to win over the parent gets them involved profoundly and use their thought bandwidth to the maximum since they are not cushioned to think in a certain way.
• Parents are aspirational role models: When you underplay your strength and let the child win, you send out a clear message about your false limitations. Kids need to look up to us, to aspire to be better than us. That’s why it's crucial to play to your full potential and showcase the levels that your child has to rise and surpass.
• Please don’t make them sore losers: Playing games isn’t always about winning, and kids have to learn to win and lose gracefully. They need to learn the long game.
• Board games allow your child to learn about failure: The truth is failure is part of life. We need to nurture the ability to bounce back from a failure, and playing board games and sports provides an ecosystem to fail and bounce back.

So, the next time you start playing an indoor game or an outdoor sport — play to win, your child is learning to do the same. Enable them to win legitimately.